


Some Kind of Stupid

by sickdreamsaremadeofthis



Category: The Office (US)
Genre: M/M, One Shot, Suicide Attempt, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-09
Updated: 2013-11-09
Packaged: 2017-12-31 22:46:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1037267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sickdreamsaremadeofthis/pseuds/sickdreamsaremadeofthis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Takes place during Season 3, Episode 20; includes the deleted scene with Ryan and Andy. Possible spoilers for previous episodes.)  Michael was the one in danger, but Ryan was the one who couldn't take anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Some Kind of Stupid

**Author's Note:**

> Un-beta'd. Please message me if you notice errors. I do not own "The Office" or any of its characters, or any part of the show, and have had no part in the making, producing or directing of. I am making no profit from this work, just playing with the characters for fun. Thank you for reading and I hope very much that you enjoy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Some Kind of Stupid

 

      Ryan had never been good with analogies, but he felt like he needed them all the time if he was going to come even close to describing the terrible situations he was always getting himself into.

      Everything about growing up had sucked. He'd never felt right. He was just the ugly duckling that kept on telling himself he'd turn into a high-powered CEO any day.

      Becoming the temp at Dunder Mifflin and finding himself the center of Michael Scott's awkward attention, made all the more awkward for how heartfelt it was and how bad Ryan felt that he couldn't bring himself to acknowledge it--either in public because of the humiliation factor, or in private... also because of the humiliation factor. And since Michael was his boss and Ryan had made up his mind to endure the attention instead of looking for a different job or filing a complaint to Corporate, that was like being a prison bitch. The lowest one who got the most torn up and never got off himself, because... Michael had previously been the lowest on that totem pole.

     The crazy rollercoaster that became his life after he started work there--well it was just that, a rollercoaster. Sometimes he wanted to put up his hands and shout for joy, because there was just something special about the Scranton branch that made him feel like he knew what freedom was, even if he couldn't let himself have it. Most of the time he just felt like puking though. He just couldn't handle all of the loop-de-loops that was Michael always keeping him on his toes.

      When Michael stood on top of their building's roof one day threatening to jump, Ryan stood among his co-workers, just glad for a chance to enjoy some fresh air and sunlight since he knew Michael so well and was sure that the ridiculous speech coming from the roof was one that had been rehearsed as part of some elaborate performance designed to impress them... Michael always _had_ been so insecure. This latest stunt was a source of great amusement to him, although some of the others seemed annoyed at having their time wasted.

       They hadn't been outside for long when Creed said something about a castle, which brought some of the others rushing behind the hedges, and when they reappeared the mood had drastically changed. Suddenly everyone was taking Michael seriously. Ryan couldn't understand why. Sure, the bouncy castle thing was too far away like Pam said, but Michael wasn't really going to jump, Ryan knew that. He stood there unperturbed as everyone around him fretted over how to talk Michael down, but eventually felt annoyed himself when he noticed ideas being traded back and forth between the people furthest away from him, and eventually between those right next to him. He felt certain that he was about to be dragged into the middle of it soon, no matter how pointless it was.

      Still... glancing up at Michael again and noticing that he actually did look miserable, Ryan started to re-evaluate the situation, and in a matter of seconds as he imagined Michael falling and hitting the pavement with enough impact to leave him a bloody smear on the ground he began to consider that Michael Scott might actually die today, from sheer stupidity.

    Suddenly he was silently agreeing with Angela. This whole charade was just offensive. Did Michael really think he was fooling anyone? And if so, what did he hope to gain from this childish outburst? The whole office groveling to him and begging him not to leave them, telling him how important he was and how much they needed him?

    The idea of it was outrageous, but it might actually be happening. He stood there in the middle of the now-worried onlookers, stubbornly looking anywhere but at what he felt he was being assaulted with--one huge slap in the face, as if life was finally just telling him, 'Wake up and smell the coffee, kid! This is how the real world is--you put up with shit until you die.' He refused to acknowledge the scene in front of him. And as usual he looked cool and composed, despite the emotional turmoil around him.

    With everyone else on the verge of panic, he found it fairly easy to pretend still that this entire ridiculous situation didn't affect him in the least, and he'd been showing that face to the world for so long that it barely took effort anymore.

    Then came that moment though when Jim was suddenly pressing the megaphone against one of his hands, trying to get him to take it, and Ryan felt that his cool was dangerously close to slipping. He managed not to show it though--if he'd been able to be objective he would have realized that seemed odd since even those who didn't like Michael were worried... next to all of them, his apparent lack of emotion made him seem sociopathic and standing out was exactly what he had always tried, and was currently trying, _not_ to do.

  "You know what, Ryan? You can do this." Jim was saying. He seemed so sure.

   "Ah, no, I can't say anything," Ryan said quietly, shaking his head and keeping his arms firmly crossed over his chest, refusing the megaphone.

    When Stanley shot him an angry look and said flatly, "Don't play dumb, you know damn well what we talkin about. Now get over there and do it!" and everyone else turned toward him as if on cue. Ryan felt the pressure of all of them watching him, expecting him to suddenly become Superman and save the day when he'd only ever been super at failing and letting everyone down... he let out the smallest sigh and took the megaphone, letting himself be guided to the front of their little crowd.

   Everyone was cheering him on then. Because for once they saw him as having a use. Stanley had dropped the hint, almost saying what they were all thinking. Michael was obsessed with him for some reason, so surely Ryan could manipulate him out of being stupid.

   That's what they all thought. Ryan knew they were wrong. There was no curing the kind of stupid that Michael had...

   Nervously, he cleared his throat and looked up at Michael who had always seemed so pathetic and alone. At first when he'd come outside with the others and found himself being subjected to what he knew Michael probably thought was a stellar performance that would educate them all and out-do the warehouse guys he found himself still further disgusted at his boss, marveling at just how far he would go to get people to feel sorry for him. And the idea passed through his head that it was probably strange that anyone that pathetic wasn't suicidal. With the truth out now, thinking with everyone else that he was about to witness an accidental suicide, he had to feign concern. That was difficult, since the last thing he was feeling was concern for Michael. This was an inconvenience. He'd actually rather be taking calls.

   Everyone was watching though. He knew what he had to do.

   "Michael," he began uncertainly. "You have always taken... a great interest in my career." A great interest _in me_ would have been more accurate, he knew. But now was _still_ that time--that time where he kept his own thoughts and emotions buried so that everyone else would be happy and comfortable and he might stand some chance of having a normal life... by everyone else's standards, according to what everyone else wanted... What they had wanted was for him to disappear, now what they wanted was for him to be a hero. What _they_ wanted.

   "I will miss you the most, Ryan," Michael called solemnly from the roof, not seeming to realize that when he was dead he wouldn't be able to miss anyone. And there he was, really about to commit suicide, and he was still putting the pressure on Ryan more than anyone ever had--expecting more, pushing for more...

   He nearly saw red. In that second, it all just seemed to collide--the looks, the touches, the anger he'd kept on pushing down--it was a mental explosion. He snapped. "Oh, what is your deal?? Seriously, man! I don't get it!" He was shouting, coming unhinged. There was so much more rage in him, so much more to unleash upon the stupid, unforgiving world. Upon Michael Scott, the bane of his existence who just wouldn't shut up and jump, but needed still more from Ryan. And just from Ryan. No one else would do.

   Andy interjected before the rest of the words could come. He stepped in smoothly and calmly, quieting Ryan's angry tirade as soon as it had begun, taking the megaphone, and with it, Ryan's voice.

   Ryan slipped back into his passive role with frightening ease, once more repressing it all and just glaring off to the side, hating the world. He barely heard Andy's speech which sounded both comforting and inspirational, judging by the tone.

   Ryan was pissed that the one chance he'd actually leaped on had been stolen away. All of those angry, bitter words. They'd never penetrate Michael Scott's bubble of oblivion now. He'd go on believing in everything he shouldn't, and so would everyone else.

  Well, he thought, working hard to blink the angry tears away. He'd had a whole damn speech ready himself, and for once he hadn't had to study. There was some real humor to be found in that. If he started laughing though he would find himself in hysterics.

   If he'd been allowed to finish... He imagined everything he'd planned to say. "Oh, what is your deal?? Seriously, man! I don't get it! I've tried to be nice! I've tried avoiding you! I've tried everything! When are you going to get that I don't want to be in love with you??"

   That was exactly what he had been going to say, he reflected. And in hindsight, he thought, it was better then that the megaphone had been snatched away from him. Better that once more he'd been silenced, his opinion unasked and unexpressed. Why then, did he hate Andy so much right then when Andy had saved him from shouting those words... 'I don't want to be in love with you!'

   He knew why, in that moment. It was because more than likely, at the peak of his rage, the outraged words, 'But I am!' would have been tacked on to the end of that, and even if they hadn't then they'd be unspoken words that everyone would fill in for him. And Andy had saved him from embarrassment, yes. But he'd also ensured that Ryan would bear the burden of this secret for so much longer. He'd probably carry it to his grave.

   He stood there, alone although he was surrounded, watching it all play out just as Michael had planned it. The megaphone was passed from Andy, back to Jim, and then to Daryl who was suddenly saying the first things that both made sense and were appropriate to the situation.

  Everyone was so busy trying to save Michael Scott right now, but even as Michael agreed to come down so he could 'see what present Pam had gotten him', Ryan knew that no one had really been helped. Michael hadn't really been saved. You couldn't get rid of Michael's kind of stupid--Ryan ought to know, since he had it too.

  Love. There was no reason to it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you again for reading. I apologize for spacing issues, I am still trying to figure out how to make everything look nice using AO3's system. Please review and let me know what you think. Also feel free to message me with suggestions/prompts concerning this pairing, although I make no promises to take the suggestions. Many blessings! ^_^ -Malreve


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